Disclaimer: This post may offend some readers, in various ways. Its purpose is not to judge or condemn or scold, but rather to tell about my own transformation and growth and mistake. Please keep that in mind. Also, you won't get the full scope of this post without reading the comments at the bottom.
I have been having an ongoing conversation with an acquaintance of mine--I call it a conversation, but often enough it's been more like an argument. But anyway, it has been a discussion of religion, the Bible, God, gods, skepticism, and especially our differing views on pretty much everything to do with homosexuality. I'll call this person Hugo, for no particular reason. As I write this, I desperately hope there's no way it could be taken offensively, because I literally just picked the first random name to pop into my head.Anyway, I personally believe the Bible is pretty clear about God's view on homosexuality. I believe God has told us through the Holy Spirit as He fashioned the Bible that homosexuality is a mis-use of God's gift to us of our sexuality--one mis-use among many, I should say. My friend strongly disagrees with me, and we battled back and forth on this and related topics for some time, but finally Hugo seemed to resign himself to the fact that it wasn't going anywhere. I had been thinking the same thing, but had been to stubborn to admit it. His only remaining question for me was about my stance on the hot issue of "gay marriage" in the United States: "Can you detail what the arguments in your mind are why in America same sex couples shouldn't be allowed to get married?"
I stared at the screen, very aware of the sweat accumulating on my fingers. I began a mental inventory of all of the reasons I had that we as a nation must "defend marriage," and was surprised to find it less compelling in my head than it had been in my heart. The only arguments I could come up with had to do with protecting the followers of my particular faith from a likely damaging doctrine and practice. Sure, that sounded a little self-centered. A little like "watching out for my own interests." But surely that's what any demographic in this country does, at this point? Sometimes it seems like every man for himself and may the loudest voice win. It's not right, but that's just how it is...
My conscience pricked as I tried to justify myself and my church before Hugo and before God. But what choice did I have? I might not fully understand why the church is so set on preventing the legalization of gay marriage in this country, but who am I to defy the authority of the church? How many Christians have gotten it into their heads that they were right, and the church wrong, and then gone and become heretics, leading others from the truth to lies, simply because they couldn't accept that the pastor knew better than they did?
This is getting much longer than I initially intended, as they usually do, so I'll cut to the chase. Hugo ended our conversation, disgusted with me, and I thought that was the end of it, but God had other plans. I continued to ponder the justifications I had offered for my stance on gay marriage, and the motivations I had for it. I realized that what it came down to was fear. Fear of the unknown, fear of difficulty, danger, and persecution. I considered what Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians 5:12 about not judging those outside the church. I considered the reactions I had seen from so many people outside the church. Angry, disillusioned, feeling not the love they were supposed to feel, but rather judgement and hate.
Then this morning, God put the nail in the coffin, as it were. A guest speaker at church spoke about the glory of God. About how God is the Ultimate in everything good: good, power, glory, love, creativity...everything. He moved on to our role as Christians, "little Christs." Mentioned that Christ told us two signs by which the world would know that we are from God: our love and our unity. Funny that he didn't mention our apologetics or our doctrines. Now I am not saying those should be compromised, but they are not the primary means by which lost people come to know God.
Which was more effective, this pastor asked me after the service, at rescuing people from the clutches of alcohol and prostitution--Prohibition, or Awakening? Judgment and imposing our values on others...or loving them in spite of our differences, the way that God loved (and loves) us?
I no longer wish to contribute to the world's view of Christians as oppressive, selfish, or judgmental by insisting that this secular democracy uphold my moral beliefs regarding homosexuality. Do I still consider this to be a sin? Yes, along with a great many others of which I am guilty and worthy of death. Do I think that the church should strictly uphold Biblical values within its own leadership, at the risk of strife and persecution? Absolutely. Do I want to be called a heretic by some who might read this and disagree with me? Not really, but if that is the price for being where I believe God wants me to be, then so be it. I don't want to live in fear of the unknown anymore, but in trusting that God is mighty to save, and able to work things out for the good of those who love and trust in Him. If that means that some of my taxes go toward paying for "Adam and Steve's" pension plan down the road, okay. That's the government's affair--not mine.
When I first considered writing this, I'm ashamed to admit that I was afraid that when he saw it, Hugo would read it and smile smugly to himself and think, "Told ya so, Peter. You were being jerk, and now you see the light. It's only a matter of time before you see things my way on the rest of it." Then I realized it doesn't matter if he does, and I suspect he's much more sporting than that. And besides, humility is good for me. I need consistent strong doses of it, and God makes sure I get them even when I try to avoid it--especially when I try to avoid it. I'm sorry, Hugo, for making you sick to your stomach, and I hope this helps to calm it down--not only for the sake of calming your stomach down, but for my conscience, and for God's frown.
If anyone has comments or questions, feel free to hit me up.
