The Mistakes I've Made

For some reason I feel almost overwhelmed with all of my past mistakes--all the pain I've caused various people so many times.  (You know who you are.)  The ways I've turned my back on God and turned against friends and loved ones.  And this paralysis comes over me as I yearn to go back and fix those mistakes, yet am powerless to do so.  It is almost enough to make me despair, but for one thing:

I am assured that whenever I am at my weakest, God is strongest.  His wonderful strength takes hold at my worst mistakes, His mercy and unmerited kindness becoming even stronger as my human frailty and selfishness become more pronounced.  And He tells me that He knows and understands these weaknesses.  That He has experienced firsthand the worst of human life that allows Him to sympathize with me; and that He has experience in death and new life that enables Him to take all my mistakes on His shoulders, brow, heart, and in His overwhelming life force, wash them away as if they never had been!

And it makes my want to sob to know how unworthy I am of such a gift--of such fierce, breathtaking love.  But there is also joy that breaks in, crying aloud to my heart, "You are free!  He is delighted to embrace you and call you His son!"

Then I can only worship Him in His mercy and glory and faithfulness and kindness and beg His continued grace and forgiveness, thankful when He reminds me that once He has begun transforming me into something that shines with His heavenly brightness, He won't give up on me, no matter what.

The beauty of this is that every person who has ever experienced this sense of despair leading to an overpowering joy at God's mercy was once on the "outside" looking "in."  Nobody has ever earned their way in--it's all about God drawing in people who feel beyond His reach.  He wants to spread the wealth, to share the joy.  God wants to breathe new life and joy into people, and His people by all rights should rejoice with Him that another invaluable person has tasted healing by God's hand as they have.

Here are two songs that I believe really apply here.  The first is what came to mind as I thought of the mistakes I had made in my past.  The second is a song that changed my life 4 years ago as I realized I needed God to want to save me if I were to have any hope.

Ocean Floor
Majesty